We Americans are a lost people in this newfangled age of hustle and bustle. We’ve lost our honor, our sense of tradition, our former greatness. Who will lead us, the people? Perhaps Glenn Beck, with his Everyman attitude and stylishly faded jeans? What about MSNBC’s hired muscle, Ed Schultz? These men are both undeniably great, but neither truly speaks to the American soul. No, the hero America needs is John Roland: Compensated Spokesperson.
John Roland: Compensated Spokesperson is an inspiration for all. He knows that times are tough and—like a human hang-in-there-cat—he wants to help out. You want to trust John Roland: Compensated Spokesperson because you know that he’s experienced a lifetime of misery, and he can truly empathize with your disastrous life. There’s a sadness in those sunken eyes, but also perseverance. It’s a sense that things will get better, a sense of grit and rugged individualism, a sense—if you will—of America.
“Great,” you say, letting yourself drop into a vomit-encrusted seat on the subway. “Another day of not being dead.”
“Hey partner,” murmurs John Roland: Compensated Spokesperson from his perch on the subway ceiling. “It’s gonna be a-okay.”
Looking up, you let this simple statement of solidarity wash over you. Your mouth creeps into a smile, and slowly, you nod. Maybe—just maybe—he’s right.
“I lived [in Williamsburg] for the postindustrial charm or the affordability and neither of those really exist anymore,” said Mr. Bjerknes, 27 years old. “I love Brooklyn. It’s adorable, with great places to eat, but they also have that in Manhattan.”
I can’t resist the adorable, postindustrial charm of Williamsburg, but now Manhattan also has great places to eat? Really conflicted here.
(Via Wall Street Journal)
Ichiro, NYY
Photo by @BryanAGraham (h/t @dhm)
I feel like I’m looking at a piece of fan fiction that has somehow crossed into our plane of existence.
So now that Ichiro is in New York, that bumps the average age of the Yankees lineup to… what? 40? 40.5?
Hit Comics #52, May 1948, cover by Pete Riss
If I could summon any hero from the past, I’d choose Roland the Farter.
Anyone who’s met me knows that I’m a total sucker for 90s nostalgia listicles, and really, who isn’t? It’s so great to reminisce about those great times and connect with other people on the internet who also used to watch Goosebumps, so now that I have a Tumblr, I thought I’d try to write my own. Be kind, it’s my first!
Read moreSorkin will not take my critique particularly seriously, because it is on a computer screen instead of being sternly said by a white man with a television show (though the fact that I am a man means I’m probably much more likely to get through to him, Internet hack or no), but hilariously enough, HBO is paying him millions to dramatize blog posts from two years ago. This is what his show is: The totally correct opinions he would have had about various things, back in 2010, spoken aloud by some of America’s finest working actors, grafted onto a workplace rom-com about incredibly unpleasant men. The fantasy fulfillment that Sorkin has made his artistic aim is revealing an increasingly grim fantasy.
The real question is, Will The Newsroom eventuallytackle The Newsroom backlash?
(Via Salon)
“I’m Keith Hernandez.”
Full disclosure: I feel incredibly self-conscious blogging because I usually hate bloggers who think they’re important but aren’t journalists or interesting. In my brief experience, Tumblr is a breeding ground for this sort of bullshit. I’ll “give” this thing a “whirl” anyway.
Great to be here!
